


hit me baby one more time

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Casual Relationship, M/M, angsty ending, snuggle friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24810706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Tegoshi’s New Year’s resolution had been to be more honest with himself and his feelings, and it’s fitting that the first thing he admits is that he’s a big, fat liar.
Relationships: Kato Shigeaki/Tegoshi Yuya
Kudos: 2





	hit me baby one more time

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be longer, then shit happened. title because i kept hearing "my loneliness is killing me ♫" in the back of my head every time i thought about this. backdated.

Four am is about when Tegoshi’s energy runs out, even on New Year’s Day. Luckily, NEWS was scheduled to perform on the CDTV stage at three-thirty, which gave Tegoshi twenty-five minutes (give or take) to get to some semblance of a resting spot.

He refuses to admit that he’s getting old, even if he’d been downing energy drinks since before the first Countdown rehearsal.

They don’t have much to do while they wait. Predictably, Shige’s holed up in a corner with his laptop while Massu’s out in the audience watching the other performers. Koyama’s taking a nap, not at all ashamed about being unable to go all night anymore, and the longer Tegoshi tries to focus on his mobile gaming, the more tempting Koyama’s pile of coats looks.

Koyama makes a soft noise as Tegoshi scoots up behind him, curling his arms around Koyama’s waist and pressing his face into Koyama’s shoulder because Koyama’s purple hair smells like mousse. He’s too buzzed to sleep, but it’s such a relief to close his eyes and not have to focus for a little while. Maybe he should look into strengthening his contact lens prescription in the New Year.

“Yuuya,” Koyama murmurs, and Tegoshi squeezes him in reward. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” Tegoshi replies curiously, quickly lifting his hands from Koyama’s abdomen. “Does your stomach hurt or something?”

“No.” Koyama stretches a little, then rolls over enough to give Tegoshi as much of an apologetic face as he can manage without opening his eyes. “I’m seeing someone.”

Tegoshi laughs out loud as he realizes what Koyama had thought he was doing. “I’m not trying to seduce you! I just want to nap with you.”

“I know, but even that feels like cheating.”

Tegoshi frowns in time for Koyama to pry open his eyes. “You’re serious about this one?” he asks, trying not to sound too sad about Koyama replacing him with a proper datefriend.

“I think so.” Koyama gets this stupid grin that Tegoshi has come to associate with people he really likes, which has Tegoshi smiling despite his dejection. “This just feels really intimate right now, and I want to keep those feelings between me and them.”

“I can respect that.” Tegoshi curls up with himself instead, closing his eyes to the harsh fluorescent lights of the backstage area and the cacophony of dozens of musical acts biding their time until they take the stage. “I wish you both happiness. You deserve it.”

“I’m really sorry,” Koyama goes on, and Tegoshi’s smile wavers at how upset he sounds. “I know how lonely you get during this time of the year. Do you have someone else to take care of you?”

“No,” Tegoshi answers, then plasters on his best idol smile. “It’s fine, though! I’ll get Emma-chan back tomorrow—well, later today, and I can cuddle with her again. I already made it through the worst of it alone.”

“That breaks my heart,” Koyama says, and Tegoshi peeks an eye open to see Koyama’s pout. “I don’t know how you two manage without people to love. Even Massu has Nakamaru-kun, though he insists that they’re just friends.”

“They’re friends who cuddle, like you and I were.” Tegoshi offers a pout of his own at the past tense. “And Shige enjoys his own company more than any other human on the planet.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get lonely,” Koyama tells him. “Maybe you should go cuddle with _him_. You used to all the time when we were younger.”

Tegoshi laughs at the thought of having any kind of intimacy with the one who is the least interested in it. “I’m not a _masochist_ , Kei-chan. I’m not going to approach the one who has made it blatantly clear that he wants nothing to do with me outside of work. I may as well go after Massu.”

“Did he really say that?” Koyama asks, and Tegoshi nods. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Just the other day, he told me he was worried about you. Your last NEWS Ring entry had us all a little concerned. My mother even told me to check up on you.”

“I’m just being honest.” Tegoshi shrugs. “That’s what I’m supposed to do, right? Express my real feelings and speak from my heart. I was really sad that day, so I talked about it. I instantly felt better after getting it out. Maybe I should get my own J-web.”

“Maybe you should get a therapist,” Koyama mutters, and Tegoshi hums noncommittally. “Anyway, try to talk to Shige again. He won’t be mean to you. If anything, he’ll just be anxious that you might end up wanting _more_.”

“As if,” Tegoshi scoffs. “His hair is way too long right now to be attractive.”

Koyama’s the one who hums at that and falls silent, leaving Tegoshi with caffeine running through his veins and nothing to do. He sits up and scans the room, looking for anyone remotely intriguing who isn’t in the middle of a last-minute rehearsal, and his gaze lands on Shige in the corner, typing furiously on his laptop with his eyes barely open and his stupid long hair falling in waves around his face.

Tegoshi’s New Year’s resolution had been to be more honest with himself and his feelings, and it’s fitting that the first thing he admits is that he’s a big, fat liar.

*

It’s an annual tradition to pray at the shrine as a group on their way home, the four of them piling into the staff van the minute they exit the stage.

Tegoshi’s still high from performing, determined enough to slip right between Massu and the door when Massu starts to step toward the very back seat.

“The hell,” Massu grumbles. “Since when do you not want to sit with Koyama?”

“I’m switching it up this year,” Tegoshi says seriously, glancing over Massu’s shoulder in time to see Koyama hide a smile.

Shige doesn’t seem to care one bit that Tegoshi’s scooting in next to him instead of Massu, though he jerks when Tegoshi immediately drops his head onto Shige’s shoulder. It’s a credit to how tired he is that Shige just lifts his arm, waiting for Tegoshi to get comfortable before lowering it to half-ass embrace him.

Tegoshi already feels better, the sound of Shige’s slow heartbeat in his ear as he snuggles closer. It seems that Shige’s too exhausted to even get anxious, which may work to Tegoshi’s advantage.

“Hey,” he says quietly, not that anyone else would hear him with Massu’s giant headphones over his ears and Koyama passed out against the window in the seat in front of them. “Shige.”

“What?” Shige whines, his low voice vibrating Tegoshi’s entire head, and that feels nice too.

“I wanna be close to you like this,” Tegoshi says, sliding his arm around Shige’s waist to make it obvious what he’s referring to, and his entire body rises and falls with the force of Shige’s next breath. “Nothing serious, just finding comfort with each other. Aren’t you lonely too?”

Shige doesn’t answer right away, though the way his arm tightens around Tegoshi says more than words his ever could.

“Yeah,” he finally admits. “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay,” Tegoshi agrees, and that’s the last they speak until they get to the shrine.

Tegoshi is confident that absolutely none of them want to make the effort to go outside and pray in freezing cold weather, but he’s equally as certain that they’re not going to want to do it later when everyone else in Japan is crowding the shrine either. Tegoshi prays for health, happiness, and success for his family and loved ones as usual, though he adds a selfish addition that he will find love too.

If Koyama can meet someone who understands the demands of being an idol, so can Tegoshi, right?

He doesn’t cuddle with Shige on the way back, suddenly wide awake and contemplative. He doesn’t think he’s _that_ narcissistic, though that is pretty much the reason he hasn’t lasted very long with any of his datefriends. He doesn’t care for the negative aspects of a relationship, like jealousy and petty arguments. Of course, he prioritizes whoever he’s dating as much as he can, but he _does_ have other things he likes to do with his free time. Soccer and video games take up a lot of his time, not to mention Emma, and while he always thought he just needed to meet someone who was into those things too, it’s a lot easier said than done.

“Did you change your mind already?” that deep voice pulls him out of his thoughts, but he’s grateful for the distraction. “Or was it a dream?”

“Do you often dream about me cuddling you?” Tegoshi teases him, though his smile wavers when Shige’s the one to plop his head onto Tegoshi’s shoulder.

“It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I’ve dreamt about,” Shige murmurs into Tegoshi’s coat. “The other day I dreamt that I found two cats in the refrigerator.”

“Aww,” Tegoshi says sadly, and Shige gives him a few pats on the arm in what Tegoshi assumes is supposed to be comfort.

“Don’t worry, they were alive,” Shige goes on. “I took them to Koyama, but Milk-chan didn’t get along with them so I had to keep them. They were too cute to give away, and besides, I wasn’t allergic to them in a dream.”

“That is very specific,” Tegoshi tells him, and Shige’s laugh is a low rumble. “And no, I didn’t change my mind. I like the way this feels.”

“I like the way this feels too,” Shige says, and Tegoshi praises himself for waiting to pitch his proposal until Shige was too tired to fight him (and himself). “What are you doing later today?”

“I just have to pick up Emma from my mom’s,” Tegoshi replies, absently lifting his hand to thread through Shige’s long hair. It’s full of product too, but it’s not as gross as Koyama’s. “You can come over, if you want. She’ll be happy to see you.”

“And her papa?” Shige asks, and Tegoshi chuckles.

“I’ll be happy to see you too,” Tegoshi says pointedly. He’d forgotten how insecure Shige gets in times like these, like people genuinely don’t want to waste their time with him. It upsets Tegoshi to think about, leading him to hold Shige properly, both arms wrapping around him until Shige makes this faint noise of contentment.

“Tegoshi-san, your stop,” the driver calls out, and Tegoshi doesn’t bother to mask his whine as he reluctantly tears himself away from Shige’s warm body and tumbles out of the van.

He thinks he hears Koyama calling out after him, but he’s too cold to turn around. Quickly, he makes his way to his front door and lets himself inside, his apartment way too quiet without Emma around, but he only has a few minutes to be sad about it while he washes his face and crawls into bed.

He can still hear Shige’s heartbeat as he falls right to sleep.

*

His mother is there when Shige arrives later, but that doesn’t stop Tegoshi from greeting him with a full embrace. Both arms around the waist, face pressed into Shige’s sweater that feels soft against his skin, and this time Shige’s awake enough for his heartbeat to speed right up.

“Hello, Tegoshi-san,” Shige says politely to the woman who’s packing Tegoshi’s fridge with leftovers. If she doesn’t want him to live on takeout, she has to provide alternatives. “What a nice surprise.”

Tegoshi pulls back and grins at him. “She offered to drop Emma-chan off here instead of making me go out in the cold again. I just woke up about an hour ago.”

“Same, actually,” Shige says with a laugh. It’s three in the afternoon. “It’s nice to have a day off, even if we had to work all night.”

Shige’s hands linger on Tegoshi’s biceps, and Tegoshi squeezes him pointedly until he loops his arms around Tegoshi’s shoulders and hugs him properly. Then Emma paws at their legs and Tegoshi laughs, pulling away enough for Shige to kneel down and greet her too.

Tegoshi’s mom looks like she wants to hug Shige too, but resists. They make small talk while Tegoshi pokes around the fridge to see what she had made for him, then she calls out that she’s taking her leave and Tegoshi races back to give her a kiss goodbye, his energy fully restored.

“You’re like a child,” Shige teases after the door has closed behind her. “How old are you?”

Tegoshi folds his arms and sticks his nose in the air. “I will not allow you to shame me for being a man who loves his mother.”

“Okay, well, you could have warned me.” Shige lets out a short laugh. “I didn’t know how to act with her around.”

“Act however you want,” Tegoshi says with a shrug. “I already told her why you’re coming over. I tell her everything.”

“As long as she’s okay with it...” Shige trails off, and Tegoshi gives him a strange look until Shige leans in and presses their lips together. Tegoshi’s eyes are so wide that he can feel the air moving around them, but Shige doesn’t notice until he pulls away. “What’s that face for?”

“You just _kissed_ me,” Tegoshi answers, in case Shige had blacked out or something. “On the lips.”

“Yes?” Shige tilts his head in confusion, and it’s actually kind of cute. “Isn’t that why I’m here?”

Tegoshi blinks a few times while Shige looks more and more like he’s ready to bolt out the door. As much as Tegoshi wants to make fun of him for misunderstanding, Shige looks so lost that he can’t bring himself to make it any worse.

“Let’s sit down, yeah?” Tegoshi says instead, offering a bright smile as he guides Shige to the couch by his arm.

“Koyama told me what you two did together,” Shige tells him in a rushed voice. “I thought that’s what you wanted—”

“Shh,” Tegoshi hisses, pressing a finger to Shige’s lips, and Shige abruptly stops talking. It feels wrong to pull his hand away, so he settles for cradling Shige’s jaw that’s a bit prickly. He must not have bothered to shave. “It’s not like that.”

Shige just nods, leaning into Tegoshi’s touch a little and looking so vulnerable that Tegoshi gently caresses his face. “I’m sorry for assuming.”

“It’s okay,” Tegoshi assures him. “I’m not mad, but I think we need to talk about what’s actually going to happen here.”

Shige nods again, then blurts out his next words in one breath. “I don’t really know any other way to be close to someone. I hope you don’t regret picking me, even if I was your last choice.”

Tegoshi frowns, because he can’t exactly refute that accusation. “It’s true that I have done those things with Kei-chan, but all of that happened very slowly over many. many years.”

“Yeah, of course,” Shige says quickly, his face flushing red.

Leaving him to his embarrassment, Tegoshi scoots closer and lays his head on Shige’s shoulder. “Contrary to what you may think, I’m not that carefree. I really have to trust someone and have strong feelings for them to give them all of me. It’s not impossible with us, but that’s not what I want from you. If that’s all you want from me, you can go.”

Shige twitches, but Tegoshi doesn’t move his head and Shige slowly lifts his hand to slide down Tegoshi’s arm, giving him goosebumps even though he’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt. “It’s not. I’m actually relieved. And really mad at Koyama.”

Tegoshi laughs, stretching his fingers out underneath Shige’s until Shige’s fall between them. It’s the laziest hand-holding ever, but Tegoshi loves it. “Did he tell you that I wanted a sex friend? I’m a little sad that he thinks that’s all he was to me.”

“In not so many words,” Shige answers. “His phone call woke me up, and I didn’t even have both eyes open before he was going into _explicit_ detail about what you like in bed. I had never even kissed you, and I knew three different ways to make you come before I walked through this door.”

Tegoshi’s eyes widen again, but this time he’s laughing. “Isn’t it better to learn that for yourself?”

“That’s what I kept telling him!” Shige exclaims, sounding much more relaxed now that he isn’t expected to be a gigolo. “But he was like, ‘He’s so lonely, Shige. You have to take care of him’.”

“I _am_ lonely,” Tegoshi says, and Shige squeezes his fingers. “That doesn’t mean I’m horny. I can take care of _that_ just fine myself. But I can’t cuddle myself, or hug myself really tight, or hold onto myself when I want to forget the world. Trust me, I’ve tried. It’s not very satisfying.”

“I’m still trying to work past the first thing you said,” Shige says, his voice strained, and Tegoshi laughs out loud. “I’m gonna need a minute before I can process anything else.”

“Sorry,” Tegoshi mutters, though he’s not really that sorry. “I can tell you something really gross to make it go away, if you want.”

“That’s not necessary,” Shige tells him. “Minute’s over. Continue.”

“I didn’t even think you liked me like that,” Tegoshi says, turning enough to look up at Shige’s face, which is now a dull shade of pink. “Have you been harboring a crush on me for all of these years?”

Shige snorts, and Tegoshi snickers as he twists the rest of the way and curls up against him. “I don’t really feel things for people like that,” he replies, quietly like he’s making a confession, and maybe he is. “I can be attracted to them platonically and sexually, but there’s not much of an in-between.”

“Hmm.” Tegoshi stares at his ceiling as he tries to understand Shige’s feelings. “I don’t relate to that at all. I fall in love all the time, but I guess it just doesn’t stick. I don’t want to make the effort to maintain a relationship, so I don’t bother having one.”

“They are _so_ much effort,” Shige agrees, letting his head fall over the back of Tegoshi’s couch from the force of his emphasis, and Tegoshi stretches his neck enough to see Shige’s hair falling in waves behind him. “It’s much easier to be alone, even if I’m lonely.”

“That’s why I have a workaround,” Tegoshi says, snuggling closer for his own emphasis. “It was going great, until Kei-chan went monogamous.”

“You always knew he would, though,” Shige points out, and he’s not wrong. “Koyama loves enough to make up for the rest of us who don’t.”

“That is a true fact.”

They both fall quiet, a sort of comfortable silence in the midst of everything left unsaid. Tegoshi wonders if they should talk more, or if perhaps Shige needs more reassurance about literally anything, but he’s so warm and cozy that he doesn’t want to think anymore, just sit here and soak up this intimacy that is both new and familiar.

“Shall we watch something on TV?” Shige suggests, and Tegoshi feels his voice more than hears it. “I know we don’t have the same taste in movies, but...”

“Put on whatever you want,” Tegoshi mumbles, blindly reaching for the remote control and pressing it into Shige’s belly. “I’m just gonna sit here and enjoy you, if that’s okay.”

There’s a beat before Shige answers, then he’s shifting them to stretch out on the chaise lounge. “That’s okay.”

Tegoshi’s far from tired, having only been conscious for a few hours now, but he feels like he could easily fall asleep in Shige’s arms, their legs curled together on the extended cushion. Tegoshi thinks about getting up to find a blanket, but he doesn’t want to move. He’ll have to pee eventually.

Shige puts on a drama that sounds boring as fuck, but it has Shige laughing and making thoughtful noises that Tegoshi feels in his toes. He could spend hours pressed against Shige like this, and he does, only breaking apart when it’s necessary and somehow returning even closer together.

“I’m really glad we didn’t have sex,” Shige tells him when he goes to leave, early enough to still get some work done but late enough for Tegoshi to feel fulfilled.

“Me too,” Tegoshi says with a laugh, then grabs Shige by the face and presses their lips together.

He doesn’t stop right away, and Shige seems at a loss of what to do, kissing back a few times before falling still. Tegoshi grins and makes a big, gratuitous smooching noise as he finally pulls back, watching as Shige sways a bit from his disorientation.

“What was that for?” Shige asks, gaping at him.

Tegoshi shrugs. “Felt like it. And I owed you one nonconsensual kiss.”

Shige seems to shake himself out of whatever trace he’d been in and laughs. “You’re something else.”

“I’m _everything_ ,” Tegoshi corrects him, and while Shige rolls his eyes, he doesn’t argue. “See you tomorrow.”

Shige looks like he wants to hug Tegoshi again, but he’s learned his lesson from the first four times he tried to leave. “See you.”

Emma barks after him, quickly turning her attention to Tegoshi once the door is closed. She follows him into the bathroom, then the kitchen, then back to the living room to pick up what little mess they had made, doing nothing but wagging her tail and blinking at him with those liquid eyes.

“What?” Tegoshi asks defensively, because he absolutely talks to his pet when he’s alone and nobody else is around. “It’s just Shige. He’s no different than Kei-chan.”

Emma tilts her head, as if to challenge him, and Tegoshi pouts down at her.

“I’m _not_ catching feelings, I promise. Papa won’t be that sad again, don’t worry.”

He scoops up the tiny dog and hugs her, flopping back down on the couch he’d just straightened up. Emma bounces around on his chest and he laughs as he plays with her, then she settles down and gives him _that face_ again.

“I know, I know,” Tegoshi goes on, because he hears Emma’s nonexistent human voice telling him _but maybe it will work out this time_. “We don’t have much in common, but we seem to sync when it comes to how we want to exist with another person.” He sighs. “I don’t have to decide anything tonight, right? I can just meet him like this and maybe in another fifteen years I’ll revisit this thought.”

Tegoshi frowns as it occurs to him how old he will be in fifteen years, but that thought is quickly replaced by another one of Emma’s fabricated protests: _But what if he finds someone like Kei-chan did?_

Tegoshi doesn’t have an answer for that one, nor any of the others that plague his mind until he turns on the sports channel to drown them out.


End file.
